05 January 2010

Creepy Vans Are for Lovers

A recent study by Colorado State University found that road rage is directly linked to the number of bumper stickers a person has on their car, regardless of the messages portrayed on said bumper stickers.

Fortunately, this study does not apply to creepy vans.  Creepy van owners do not need creepy adhesive labels to ponder philosophical questions, clarify their political positions, or shout out to the world that they heart kids.  This is because a favorite pastime of creepy van people is to paint these creepy slogans on their vans.  

Imagine a person, maybe not unlike yourself, that one day sees a catchy sticker, buys it, and then places it on their bumper.  Now imagine a person that one day goes to the hardware store, lurks in a paint aisle, purchases a palette, and then drives home in their creepy white van with the intent to coat the van with meaning and color.  Which person is creepier?  

Obviously the answer is the person that drives either one of  these creepily painted vans:

In closing, remember that these vans are not standalone creepy.  Their owners, creepy people with van painting hobbies, are what transform them from kinda sketchy vans into painted creepy vans.  


Anonymous said...

The mere mention by you that "these vans are creepy" doesn't make that a true fact.
what makes them creepy is that you have apparently LABELLED them as creepy. Also, since you apparently have never met their owners disqualifies you as competent to judge them.

Anonymous said...

What really IS creepy, is your calling and blindly judging complete strangers who happen to both drive vans AND be bad painters, just to have something to post on this unqualified blog on 'creepy vans'.