15 December 2009

A Creepy (Mini)van?

It is not necessary to inquire into why minivans are not creepy vans because it would be offensive to do so. Minivans are modern day living rooms except they frolic - on wheels. They house children, pets, soccer balls, crock pots, televisions, and so on.

Considering the aforementioned, when I first started taking note of creepy van culture, I assumed that a minivan would never grace the pages of creepyvans.com.  As per usual, my assumption was incorrect. This is because it is a creepy van’s pupose to know how to creep you out, by catching you off guard.

So, where does a minivan go to transform into a catch-you-off-guard creepy van? Perhaps a botanical shop that specializes in delivering flowers?  Absolutely. 

I became aware of this creepy (mini)van’s existence while driving by a seemingly uncreepy shopping center in Texas one dreary afternoon. Obviously, I know that this minivan gives all who witness it the creeps because it gave me the creeps. However, I suspect that some of you have doubts about this van's creepy status. 

So, I will leave you with the following question: Is this the van you want delivering flowers to the home of your beloved?

08 December 2009

The DJ: A Jockey of Discs and Creepy Vans

Disc jockeys are creepy: to begin with. There is no doubt about that.

How can I be so sure? Is it because when I see one, my mind instantly makes a connection between them and creepy carnival people? The nomadic tribe of nomads, known almost as much for their night time traveling, as they are for their creepy vans filled with bearded ladies and creaky ‘coasters?

Of course it is. All of their characteristics and mechanisms are the same. Except that instead of cruising their creepy vans from one desolate destination to the next; Disc jockeys will choose a wedding, bar mitzvah, and exclusive underground rave as their stage.

Up until the other night, I could dismiss these similarities as creepy but convenient coincidences. Good logic, not enough evidence.

Well, now I say to you, here is that evidence:

Behold, a creepy van owned by a disc jockey so creepy, he is known simply as DJ Ivan "The Terrible" Creepster.  Let this serve as a valuable lesson to you;  the next time you are wanting to entertain guests, hire a clown.

Author’s note: This creepy van was parked in a downtown hotel docking area. As my friend and I were taking pictures of it for this entry, we heard the unmistakable sound of a car window being broken nearby. Needless to say, it was creepy and a reminder that where there is a creepy van, there is sure to be creepy activity.